OH MY FUCKING GOD.

Lemme me give you a bit of a back-story here…about 5 years ago, I used to work in HMV in Harrow. Over my time there, I ran the rock & pop section, the hip-hop section and the singles section. I generally turned up to work on time and on one particularly cool day, some dude was caught stealing from the rap section and claimed that Tupac made him do it.

Anyway, after a hard day of making sure there were no gaps on the chart wall, there was nothing that my buddy Ross and I liked doing than winding down by drinking ourselves unconscious every single night without fail. Obviously this meant we occasionally turned up for work in the morning feeling a bit peaky which was a shame because in order to get into our work we had to walk past this hot dog place called Rollover in the food court, which despite claiming to be “The Best Hot Dog in the World”, was actually the rankest shit imaginable. On more than one occasion, the smell of their hot dogs being cooked at 8am made me puke. Also, just the thought of their chicken sausage hot dog in nearly making me puke now.

Basically, the point to this pretty uninteresting back-story is that I hate the shit out of Rollover. I mean why would anyone in their right mind choose to eat there when they have the option of visiting Burger King, KFC, Subway, Pizza Hut or the place that sells jacket potatoes all present in the same food court?

Yesterday I was back in Harrow saying hi to my Nan. I dropped into HMV to pick up the new Slipknot and The Game albums and say word up to Natricia Roberts who is still working there part time at the weekends, despite the fact she must be about 35 by now and probably should have a full-time job. Trish is cool though. All this obviously left me pretty damn hungry so I made a visit to the food court and grabbed a 6” chicken teriyaki Subway. When I sat down to eat it, I literally couldn’t believe the shit I saw in front of my eyes. I blinked and looked again, but there it was. The Holy Grail.

The fucking pizza cone. In Harrow. Being sold by Rollover. I had a momentary dilemma, all this time, I have being going on about the lack of pizza cones in the UK and now here I was sitting opposite a massive sign advertising the things, I’m not sure how much they were charging for them, but I was pretty confident the £7 in my pocket would cover it easily. I weighed up my options. Should I ditch my Subway and go and buy this pizza cone meal deal or I should allow it? Also, was it entirely necessary for them to serve it with chips?

I pussied out and I’m sorry. In the end I had to give it a miss for the main reason that it was being served by Rollover. Literally, had any other food outlet been serving them, I would’ve thrown by sub in the bin and be sitting here feeling like King of the Universe, but I’m not. I’m still that same-old guy who has never eaten a pizza cone.

P.S. Trust shitty Rollover to be the first people in the UK to serve the pizza cone and to offer margherita, ham or ham & mushroom flavours? Is it really necessary to have both ‘ham’ and ‘ham & mushroom’ flavours? Couldn’t they just have one or the other, file them under one ham umbrella and offer up a pepperoni pizza cone which would clearly be the most popular?

PIZZA IN A CONE

It's come to my attention that in America it is possible for an indivdual to stroll into an establishment and say something along the lines of "one pizza cone to go please buddy", hand over roughly $3-$5 and in turn be handed back a cone made out of pizza crust, filled to the fucking top with mozarella cheese and pepperoni.

I've researched these pretty thoroughly and the general consensus is "bland", "messy" and "not as good as I expected", but I want to live in the country where I can disappoint myself on a daily basis by eating a pizza in a cone which is not as good as I hoped it would be.

There are actually chains dedicated to selling these things. Crispy Cones in L.A. and Konopizza is already up and running, and doing well, not only in the USA, but they've just opened up stores this Summer in Indonesia, Kuwait, Spain, Greece, and New Zealand. So basically we're the only fucking retard country in the world where you can't buy a pizza in a cone.

To rub it in even more, I hear that the cone shaped concept is not limited to just pizzas. Both companies will be offering cones for stuff like salads, fruit, and chili.

And pasta.